


fifteen ways to stay alive

by Kirbita22



Category: Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms, ロード・エルメロイⅡ世の事件簿 | Lord El-Melloi II Case Files
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 08:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14132577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirbita22/pseuds/Kirbita22
Summary: A small guide to living after the war.





	fifteen ways to stay alive

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Daphne Gottlieb poem of the same name.

1\. Say you won't go back to school, and let yourself believe it for a few weeks. Go back to school anyways. 

2\. Walk in like you own the place. Throw yourself to the wolves with full knowledge they can't actually bite. Pretend their bark doesn't terrify you anyways.

3\. Pretend you won the war.

4\. Don't talk about grails. Don't talk about wars. Don't talk.

5\. Spend a ludicrous amount of money and time on videogames. Pretend you actually like playing them. 

6\. Get drunk alone. Regret it in the morning Take up smoking instead.

7\. Write home. Assure them you're fine. Pretend they're your real family. Realize eventually this is one thing you don't have to pretend.

8\. Pretend you like women. Pretend you like men (who have been alive in the past couple of centuries). Pretend you like yourself.

9\. Pour yourself over the life and work of someone you hate. Bask in all of his accomplishments. Pretend you don't feel jealous. Pretend you don't feel guilty.

10\. Get ordered around by a 9-year-old. Understand this gives you the power you so desperately craved. Realize how ridiculous that is. Laugh about it, but only when you get home.

11\. Pretend you hate your students. Pretend you don't hate your fellow professors. Pretend your idea of authority is closer to the Mage Association's than to kings of old.

12\. Get drunk with your student. Don't worry about being a bad role model. Don't regret it in the morning. Pretend neither of you talked about grails or wars or schoolkid crushes on ageless beings.

13\. Get ordered around by a no-longer-a-9-year-old. Realize you enjoy running around doing this bullshit, just a little bit. Never, ever, let her know this.

14\. Take apart grails. Take apart wars. Take apart all that's been gnawing at the back of your skull for years. Consider pretending this was your own idea. High-five your student instead.

15\. Talk about the war. Talk about it in detail, every last thing about it. Talk about your king, finally, tell the word his stories and his words and his last battle. Understand this means you have fulfilled his orders, and you don't need to stay alive anymore. Also understand you don't really need a reason anymore. Breathe.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, and also here's a way i had to cut out for space:
> 
> Look up the history of swords, and ask every expert if something cilindrical would technically count as one. Refuse to explain yourself. Walk away when they say probably not. Don't really do anything with this information.


End file.
